It's Because I'm White, Isn't It?
I used to use that phrase with my Black students in the high school classroom where I taught English before becoming a full-time writer. It became a running joke of sorts, and when I was clueless about something (like what it meant to be Tik Tok famous) or slang-terms from African-American teenage vernacular, they’d laugh at me, shaking their heads because I couldn’t tell the difference between compliments and insults. I’d shrug and say “It’s because I’m white, isn’t it?”
“You’re so white,” they’d tell me. “But you’re cool, though,” they’d add, as if this might lessen the sting.
They were right. Not about the cool part—though I’m working on it. I was raised in a rural area. I think we had one Black student in my high school school the entire time I was there.
But then I went to Ohio State University and talk about culture shock. In my Honors dorm, I was in the minority.
Truth? I was 18 and I’d never left my hometown.
If I’m being completely honest?
I was scared. Not of violence (well, maybe a little, Columbus is not the safest city and I was an extremely sheltered small-town girl), but I was afraid of looking ignorant, of saying something wrong or offensive.
I kept to myself for almost the entire first semester.
Much like how I feel around teenagers now, it was like everyone was speaking a different language and I didn’t know the lingo.
One night the power went out and some crazy alarm went off so the university evacuated us while they fixed it. We all ended up outside in our PJs at one in the morning. We played volleyball in our sand pit, walked to get ice cream at the United Dairy Farmers (UDF was open 24 hours back then, not sure if it still is) across the street, and had those epic conversations where you tell strangers things you’ve never told your best friend on benches while shoveling Ben & Jerry’s Half-Baked into our faces.
After that, I was just part of the group. I was included, I was invited, and I was educated. I learned some harsh, painful truths about what it meant to be a Person of Color and how racism didn’t just evaporate after the Civil War.
The following year, I was sitting with my friend Christy, who is a bright, beautiful, Black female, as we covered the first half of the 1800s in our American History course. We left class talking about where to go get food and this girl we didn’t know walks up to us and says to Christy, “That must’ve been so awful for you to have to sit through that.” (Referring to the detailed discussion of how slaves were treated in class).
My girl didn’t miss a beat. She quickly came back with, “Actually, I was thinking that must’ve been pretty shameful for you to hear.”
The girl walked away appearing offended and Christy went right back to talking about how good cheese fries sounded, but I was shook, y’all.
Because I had felt sick to my stomach and deeply humiliated and ashamed listening to what my ancestors had done. The enslaving, dehumanizing, violence, rape, child abuse and sadistic torture had never been taught to me before in my entire life. Not in such graphic detail.
At lunch, I couldn’t seem to find my appetite. I asked my friend how she wasn’t more affected by what had just happened, the class, the semi-snotty acting girl, all of it. She looked at me like I was nuts and shrugged. “I’m used to it,” she told me.
THIS is so much of the problem that continues to cause so much pain and anguish today. We’ve all gotten used to it. To certain classes and colors having privileges and opportunities others don’t. To excluding People of Color without batting an eyelash.
Do me a favor. Go to a stock image site and search “sexy woman,” or “happy couple".” (Shutterstock, Big Stock, Adobe, etc).
I’ll wait.
If you were on a standard site, the results were 75%+ caucasian women and caucasian couples. (Sidenote: Shoutout to Lightfield Studios for having a diverse catalogue before diversity was cool).
It’s not okay.
Maybe we’re making progress—or at least it appears we are judging from social media and the USA Today Bestseller List—but only after a man is murdered in the street by Law Enforcement Officers do we all wake up for five seconds and question anything.
My biggest concern?
The momentum behind the crusade for equality, pro-unity, and anti-racism is already losing steam in White communities.
I saw a word tossed around several times during the Instagram Black Out.
It was PERFORMATIVE.
Please know, I’m speaking as much to myself as much as anyone else as I type this.
It’s not enough to post a black square on one day, or a Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr quote the next and call it good.
I’ve posted some links of what I’m doing to continue supporting the Black Lives Matter Movement below, but I also took a long, hard look at myself and the Romance Writing Community I belong to. There is a GROSS shortage of Black couples on covers, even the Black writers I know tend to write about White people and when I asked them why, the answer was: “My agent said no one would read a romance novel about a black couple or with a black couple on the cover.”
It makes me realize we haven’t come as far since the 1800s as we would all like to believe. And the whole “this doesn’t affect me” argument does not apply, folks.
It affects us all.
We live in this world together.
We make it what it is. Period.
I saw a quote on a fellow writer’s Instagram that I think was about writing but I’m applying to this situation. It read, “MAKE MOVES, NOT EXCUSES.”
I’ve printed it out and framed it on my desk.
Very soon, I’m launching a one-stop shop including pre-made covers for indie authors. I looked at my designs with a more objective eye today and realized that while I do have a few bi-racial individuals, inter-racial couples, and one cover featuring a single Black female, I still have a long way to go.
We all do.
PETITIONS
At change.org you can find the following petitions and sign:
Justice for George Floyd
Justice for Breonna Taylor
Justice for Ahmaud Arbery
Raise the Degree
DONATIONS
ACTIONS
Register to vote
Educate yourself and your children about what it means to be actively anti-racist and pro-unity
Speak with your children and spouse about how you’re going to be involved and how they can be supportive
Share and repost resources to educate others
Stop supporting brands and organizations that do not support racial equality and diversity
Much like when I was in college, all it takes is starting the conversation.
Are you making moves and changes to support the Black Lives Matter Movement? Have important links to share? Post in the comments!
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I’ve posted some links of what I’m doing to continue supporting the Black Lives Matter Movement below, but I also took a long, hard look at myself and the Romance Writing Community I belong to.